What if

I am the kind of person who creates different scenarios and possibilities for a non-existent life that could be real in a parallel universe. What if I had chose Europe to do my cultural exchange instead of the United States? What if I had moved to Oregon instead of staying in New York in 2020? What if I had not gone back to Brazil in 2021? My life would be totally different. Maybe I wouldn’t be here by now. I definitely would not. Life just happens. Someone told me that once and I never forgot. We can’t understand why certain things happen at first, but what I am sure of is that one day you will have the realization or breakthrough (whatever you prefer to call)— “wow. that was the reason”. Just like I did.

Even though, it is challenging to accept things as they are now when you keep thinking about how things could be. What about my (other) dreams that I left behind? what about the person I called the love of my life that left because I choose to leave first? what about my old versions ? What about the places I never got the chance to visit because I need to stay here? What about that naive girl from a big city that wanted to travel the world — and right now find herself in a place she doesn’t like for a purpose she doesn’t even know if it’s going to be achieved.

What if I have stayed?

I don’t think I will ever know the answers for any of these questions if I am being really honest.

I get mentally overwhelmed when I think about all these possible scenarios.

Maybe, yes, there are some versions of myself living the life I believe. Living the life I chose to live with who I want by my side. Maybe this life is too short to meet all the places, love all the people and experience so many different things that I get to believe in more than one life — and I do. It is kinda of a relief for me to think I will have more time in this Earth to experience all I need. I feel so little. and I am.

That is magical, uh? The power to dream about so many different possible lives and still be present to live yours now.

I am who I am because all the other versions of myself that I left behind and no longer exist. Maybe they are in a parallel universe, who knows. But right now, I am glad I opened space to change.

Because change is the only thing I won’t question. I only and always will change.

What if I asked you if you know me based on the version you met one year ago? So you don’t know me at all.